A Way Out: Book One

We walked into the house the air inside was nice and cool. It felt like a welcoming home just right inside the door.

"Follow me you gotta be starving after that long of a walk." I sat at the table looking out the sliding glass doors. I saw such a nicely kept yard but after that storm, I'm sure the lawn will need to be mowed soon.

"What would you like?"

"What? Oh uh, whatever is fine but you don't need to go out of your way to make anything."

"It's okay I needa eat too. I didn't eat anything when I got back from my ride"

"Whatever you're having will be just fine." "Sandwiches it is then." he smiled that bright smile at me and somehow made me feel better.

I could tell he was still a bit sad from the moment out in the truck.

"Where's your restroom?" "Down that hall to your left." I thanked him and went to get cleaned up.

After taking a leak I washed my dirty hands and face. I looked up and saw a mess. I looked awful. But I guess that is expected, that's how I've been feeling for some time. My hair was all over, I had bags under my eyes, and they almost looked bloodshot as well. I looked much older than my 29. I can't believe he talked to me let alone let me in his truck looking like this. At the time he stopped to talk to me I wanted him to just go on his way but now I am grateful he came looking for me.

I needed a moment so I sat on the toilet to grasp what was going on. After a restless night, I got dressed in my blue t-shirt gray sweatpants and my sneakers then headed out for a walk. I walked on not paying attention to the minutes hours and miles go by. On that dirt road last night I realized how late it was but had no idea how far I had traveled until later today. I had wanted a way out of the pain I felt all the time. I never contemplated suicide that wasn't an option. But I knew I had to find a way out of my dark world. My thoughts had drifted to the boy that offered his help to me when I needed it most.

Not really a boy but he is 10 years younger than I. Oh what a looker he is. He has got to have a girlfriend out there somewhere. That smile alone made me feel better than I had felt in a long time especially after what James and I had started to fall apart. I shook my head trying to get the thought of James out of my head. All I had to do to do that was think of Carson, his smile, and eyes. I could get lost in those eyes easy. Ugh, what am I doing thinking of this kid so much? I doubt I'd ever see him again let alone anything getting past that.

I remembered when we were by his truck when we were looking each other over my groin twitched. I wouldn't say I got hard but if I looked at him much longer I'm sure I would have. He got to me in a way I never thought possible again. Oh hell, I haven't thought about sex for quite some time. But now? Could I? Would I with him? Would he for that matter? He was very attractive without a doubt but I don't know if I'd try anything with him though.

I got lost in all the thoughts rushing through my already overloaded brain then there was knocking on the door. "Hey, are you okay in there?"

"Oh yeah I'm fine s s sorry." I came out, to a deep breath and let it out then followed him into the kitchen. I had a lot to deal with but right now I have to eat something now that I finally felt like eating.

"I almost thought you had fallen in or something," he smirked at me

"Oh no I was uh I was just thinking about something's." A lot of things actually

"Like how did you end up here?"

"Well yes, as a matter of fact, I was thinking just that and more." He smiled that he was right

"I'm glad you're here, who knows where you would have ended up if I didn't come along."

"So am I. Anyway what are we having?" I wasn't ready to say any more about it.

"Sandwiches remember? I didn't know what you liked so I made yours like I like mine" "I'm sure they will be delicious." I replied

They were too. We didn't talk much while we ate which is good. I was so hungry because my appetite has returned. So I munched away on the sandwiches and the chips he gave me. I washed it down with Gatorade. He thought it would be the best thing for me since I hadn't had much to eat or drink for so long. After eating I felt so much better. I'm not sure if it was because I ate or the company I had.

"So what you gonna do now?" Good question I had no idea.

"Honestly I haven't thought that far ahead. I was in a zone until last night but then when I woke up I just wanted to keep walking. I never thought about much else until you offered to help."

"What about work and home isn't someone going to miss you?"

"I am on leave at the moment and well no one home to miss me except, there is Debbie my neighbor I talk to often and her cat Sir Lance A Lot that visits me all the time. In fact, I should call her she has got to be out of her mind with worry. Can I use your phone please?"

He handed me his cell phone and I called Debbie there was no answer so I left a voicemail. I told her I was safe and sound at the moment and not to worry. I thanked Carson and gave him his phone back.

"That was nice of you to call her and let her know that you are alright. You two must be good friends."

"Yes we are, we grew close over the years, even more, the last several months when my world fell apart and she has tried her best to help me find my way out of this dark time I've been in."

"OH. What happened?" He looked sad again.

"Oh is right. My partner and I broke up about 6 months ago. I was in denial for sometimes but when reality set in I took it pretty hard."

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked." A shameful look appeared on his lovely face.

"No don't be sorry it was a long time coming we were becoming more distant and we felt it was for the best, well he did I was too caught up in my work to notice at the time. I guess that's why our relationship fell apart. I took what I had with him for granted. Then one day he was gone. That was when I realized I had lost so much. I fell apart big time and here I am lost and trying to find a way out of the mess I created."

Wow that was crazy I never talked about this with anyone that didn't know James and I. I can't believe I spilled all that out to this kid. This sweet young man that was so willing to help a stranger in so much need.

"Are you going to be okay?" he said with concern "Actually Carson I'm starting to think I will. It will take some time that I'm sure of." I thought how much an innocent gesture from this kind boy could change things so much.

I then began to tell him everything from the beginning, from James and I meeting for the first time, our life together, how things started to fall apart with us and the breakup. Then how it was that he found me there on that dirt road far from home.

 

"Kirk I am so sorry about all this. I know break ups are hard but didn't know how bad."

"I don't think they are all this bad. I think it's more from regret that I let all this happen. I still love James I always will but what we once had is now gone. I have to face that and move on. Be a better person so I don't let myself ruin things like I did and fall apart to this point ever again.

I looked at the clock on the wall it said 11:30. Where did the time go? "I didn't realize how much time had gotten away from us. I guess I better go so you can get some sleep."

"What what do you mean go? You're planning to keep going or walk home tonight?" He sounded surprised and disappointed at the same time.

"I should get home I've gotten my head clearer like I needed too." Not as cleared as I should though.

"You should stay here for the night at least. I can take you home in the morning." His eyes pleading me to say yes

"Are you sure? I don't want to be any more of a bother."

"Yes, I'm sure you can stay here, in fact, I insist. You need your rest anyway." He insists huh how could I deny him now?

"If you really think I should I will stay."

"I really do think you should yes. I wouldn't mind hearing more about what you're dealing with if you need to talk things out more." I think he could tell I did want to talk more but not tonight I was too tired.

 Upstairs we were in his room, it was blue not too dark not to light. There were posters of a few movies and bands etc. It had a real teenager feel to it. I guess he just took what he needed when he left for college and his parents left is room as he had left it.

"You can use my shower. I bet it will help you feel better. I will get you some of my clothes you can use for now."

"A shower does sound perfect right now to get all this gunk off me and to ease my aching muscles. Thank you, " He said welcome and I went to get that much-needed shower.

I stood under the hot water letting it soften up my stiff body. Then washed my hair and soaped up the rest of my body. I really needed this, I felt so much better all cleaned up. After I was all clean and dry I stepped out of the shower and saw the clothes, a toothbrush even a razor and shaving cream on the counter. T-shirt, shorts, and boxer-briefs this kid thought of everything. Standing in the nude I combed my hair and brushed my teeth.

I looked in the mirror I saw ME again not the bum I had been seeing for the last few months. My light brown hair had gotten longer than I thought. I will have to get it cut soon I hate having it too long. I needed a shave as well. The bags under my eyes are still there but my blue-gray eyes aren't so bloodshot. I step back and see that I have lost weight. More than I had thought. After inspecting the person I had become I shaved then I got dressed and walked out to find my young friend.

"Feel better?"

"Yes much better thank you," I reply after I found Carson sitting up on his bed with his laptop in his lap. He was shirtless now just wearing black briefs. I must have had a weird look on my face because he said

"You okay man?" I had been staring more than I realized

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, thanks for the clothes and stuff by the way." Looking at him my loins started to awaken, he had an amazing body. Oh, fuck what am I going to do about this increasing interest in him? I ask myself.

"You look a lot better now all cleaned up. I figured you were hot but not that" he trailed off. He must have suddenly realized what he was saying. I know how that is. His whole body turned a shade of red due to his slip of the tongue.

"Anyway where will I be sleeping?" I didn't put much thought into that when he insisted I stay

"Funny I didn't think about that at all. You could sleep with me if you want." Fuck just what I need, to stay awake all night lying next to him thinking of his gorgeous body.

"If that's okay with you. I could sleep just about anywhere right now."

"Yeah, that's fine, that way I don't have to dig out the extra bedding or anything." Patting the bed to in his left "You can sleep on this side".

I walk around to that side of the bed taking off the shirt. I started sleeping naked when James and I started dating but I think its best I keep something on tonight. Lifting the covers I crawl in and laying on my back I try to relax. Well as much as one can lying next to a hot young man in his undies that is.

Just then his phone rang. "Hi, Mom. No, you didn't wake me up I was just watching a movie." I thought he blushed before but he got redder if that was possible he got really nervous too. Poor kid talking to his mom with a strange guy in his bed.

I rolled over while he talked it out with Mom. I don't know where his parents were exactly but it was good they were calling their boy while they were away. A half hour or so later "OK mom I will by I love you too say hi to dad for me. By mom." After he hung up "Ugh she sure loves to talk my ear off."

I roll back over he looked annoyed. "I'm sure she just misses her boy is all."

"Yeah maybe."

We talked while he played on his laptop checking Facebook his email etc. I could feel he was still nervous. He invited me into his bed like it was nothing but maybe he had never had another man in his bed before. I asked him about school thinking it would make him feel more relaxed. He told me he played the violin in high school and decided to continue in college as well. He was also on the swim team in high school he swam and played baseball but he decided to not do anything sports related except the swimming once he got to college. That would explain his awesome body.

Talking about himself did ease the tension he had. I let him continue since he was willing to talk about himself. He told me he was the youngest of 4 kids there were 2 older brothers and a sister she was the oldest. She and her husband also had 4 kids. His oldest brother didn't have any but really wanted some. His brother just older than him was also out of the country traveling with fellow college students. His parents turned out to be in Europe for the summer.

He had been working since he was 15 saving up for his own truck and college. His parents matched whatever he made. He works when he comes home and works at the campus library during the school year. He had a few days off at the moment.

After telling me that he went quiet for a bit. Maybe figuring what to say next. I looked at his clock it was now 1:30 am. We have learned so much about each other in the few hours of meeting. I was tired but somehow was able to stay awake talking with this wonderful young man. The more time I spent with him the better I was feeling.

"Kirk, can I ask you something?" He was very nervous again.

"Carson you can ask me anything you want."

"When did you know you were gay?" Well, that's gotta be why he is so nervous.

"I had always known I was different. But I was pretty sure I knew in high school all my friends were talking about the hot girls when I was thinking of my hot friends and other hot guys. I never did anything with anyone until I was in college. However, I thought it was time to figure myself out more to be sure so I found a willing girl. I was able to do the deed but my heart wasn't in it and I had to think of hot guys most of the time. After that, I had no doubt I was gay." Silence. He must have been thinking about what I said and what he should say next.

"Do you think I'm gay?" he asked so quietly if I wasn't right next to him I may not have heard him.

"Looking at you and spending time with you no I don't think you are but there have been hints that you are yes." More silence longer this time.

"What kind of hints?" He asked kinda worried

"Well, there are no posters of hot girls on your wall like with most guys. You have two FB accounts one with lots of hot guys, one with what I assume is friends and family. The main hint is your comment about me when I came in your room." His face was so red when I mentioned the last thing.

He was quiet for some time. He had to have been thinking about what I said and other things about himself. I know it's rough figuring

yourself out at that age. We all change so much and part of that is finding out who we are. I let him think then I said

"Carson it's okay if you are gay or if you are just trying working out your sexuality. Don't be afraid of what you may or may not be. You are a great person I have seen that more as I spend time with you. Be who you are. If and when you realize you are gay accept it if that's the case. It's a lot harder to fight it once you know for sure. Also don't be in a rush to come out take your time, do it when you feel it's the right time."

"Thank you so much for talking about this with me I feel better. I do have a lot to think about. I'm just afraid what people would think if they knew and what would happen when they found out." "Don't be afraid, I know that is easier said than done that it is for the best". I could tell he really did feel better about this.

He closed his laptop and laid it on the floor then went into the bathroom. I watched the black fabric cling to his perfect ass. I just lay there on my side wondering again how I was going to make it through the night sleeping next to this gorgeous boy. After 5 minutes he came out of the bathroom as he came into his room he turned off the overhead light now all that lit the room was his lamp by his bed. When he crawled into bed he lay facing me.

"You ok," I asked him because he looked nervous again.

"Yeah I'm okay I'm still thinking about what we just talked about and also the fact I haven't had anyone else stay in my room since high school." I could smell his warm minty fresh breathe and feel the warmth radiating from his body.

"I can sleep somewhere else if it's too much of a bother."

"Oh no I want you to sleep with me, uhm I mean it's okay if you sleep in here."

"You're nervous aren't you?" I asked softly

"No, I'm not I mean I I I don't well yeah I am, to be honest." I could see in his eyes he needed reassurance.

Looking at his beautiful face I say "Carson there is nothing to be nervous about I am here with you because you wanted to help me. Why you wanted me to sleep in your bed that I don't know. It's become clear you are interested in me but nothing will happen if you want it that way I can promise you that." I was assured of that.

"What if I want something to happen?" He sounded kind of guilty

"That's why you are so nervous, isn't it? You want more than just me sleeping in your bed but don't at the same time?"

"Well yea, you are right about that." When he said that I saw a twinkle in his eye but I saw more than that at the same time. I leaned over to turn off the light behind him but before I did I kissed him softly on his forehead.

After I turned off the light I lay back down facing away from him. Not long after I fell asleep. I dream t of my day, a gorgeous young man on a bike and me walking in the hot sun but then it got cloudy and started to pour rain with lighting and thunder all over. I felt him roll over which combined with that and the storm in my dream I woke up so I had a need to roll over as well. When I did I couldn't fight the urge this time. I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arm around his body pulling him closer. He laced his fingers through mine and kissed my hand.

It had been some time since I slept in the same bed with another guy. I didn't realize just how much I had missed it and it felt right. This time it took a little longer to fall asleep because his ass against my groin caused it to stiffen. I lay there listening to him breathe. Smelling the cologne he must have put on when he went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. The mix of his cologne and his scent was intoxicating. Why is he getting to me so bad we just met and are still barely getting know each other? Finally, I fell asleep again this time there was no dreams just sleep.

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Author's Notes:

A big thank you to Max and Mason.

C.J.

Comments always appreciated at C. J. Gibb