Book One - I'll Kiss You in the Rain

 

I didn't get up early Sunday morning. At least one day, I thought to myself, I have the right to stay in bed a bit longer, even if my uncle and his family would be here later. It was 09:50 when I looked over at the little clock on the bedside table. Just as I was getting out of bed the door opened and Michael peered in.

"You could knock," I told him.

"Why?" He replied and walked in through the door. "What are you doing?" He grinned at me.

"What's it look like? I'm getting up, idiot!" He was already starting to irritate me and the day hadn't properly begun.

"Mum says to get up and tidy your room." Michael was looking around the room, I watched him.

"I just said, I am getting up and the room is tidy, so get out I wanna take a shower." He turned his attention back to me.

"Ooh, wow, bad mood!" He turned around, walked back out and closed the door.

At least he closed the door after him, usually he'd leave it ajar on purpose just to annoy me and making me go over and close it. Little brothers it seems to me have a multitude of ways to irritate and annoy their older siblings.

Around twenty minutes later I was showered, dressed and downstairs in the kitchen drinking coffee, with milk today! Now that I had woken up and washed I was feeling much better, I couldn't help wondering if it was part of my nature to be irritable in the morning.

Michael came into the kitchen, mum was there, I don't know what dad was doing.

"I want you both on your best behaviour when Uncle Jeff arrives," my mother looked at us. "No squabbling and be nice with Mathilde and Jed, if not I will be cross with you... both of you. Now clear up and get out of the kitchen I have a lot to do. They will be here in an hour. I don't want you under my feet."

Coffee finished I put my empty glass in the dishwasher and followed Michael out of the kitchen.

It must have been about quarter to twelve when the door bell rang and Michael opened it. There was Uncle Jeff, his wife Suzanne, Mathilde and Jed. Mum came flying out of the kitchen to greet them and we all said our hellos and asked the usual questions, good journey, how are you, etc. Mum ushered Jeff and Suzanne into the lounge.

She turned to us. "You boys look after Mathilde and Jed until lunch is ready." Then half turning back to Jeff and Suzanne. "I'm sure you two would like a drink before we sit down to eat." As all four of us were leaving, she called after me, "Alex, get your dad out of the study and tell him they've arrived."

I poked my head into the study, the door was slightly open. "Dad. Uncle Jeff is here."

"Ah, OK son. Thanks."

I told Michael to go and play with Jed in his room and invited Mathilde to my bedroom.

"Can we sit in the garden?" She asked. "It's a shame to be inside when the sun's shining."

"Sure, good idea."

I was making an effort to be nice although I always felt a bit uncomfortable around Mathilde. I'm not sure why that was, if it was down to me or her. I mean her manner, or perhaps because she was a year older, or more probably it was sexual. Mathilde liked boys. She was the kind of girl who was well mannered, perhaps a little superior acting, or maybe just very confident, but she knew how to go about getting what she wanted and that included getting the boys she liked.

It must have been a year ago, when, if we were both a bit older, you would have said she made a pass at me. Anyway, it was obvious back then that she liked me, which was kind of flattering in a way, and she managed to kiss me. Like I said she knew how to get what she wanted. I'm sure she would have gone further than kissing, but I wasn't going to let that happen. Even if I was in the closet, as they say. Meaning that I hadn't told anyone about my sexual preferences and I wanted to keep being gay a secret. Despite carrying around that really big issue, I wasn't about to let my first sexual experience be with a girl, even if it would have been easy. By that I mean easy because I really could put being attracted to boys in the background if I'd lost my virginity to a girl, and easy because Mathilde wanted it. Ever since then, although Mathilde brushed aside her disappointment and kind of carried on like nothing had happened, things between us were all a bit strained. That was maybe because of my rejection of her advances, maybe because I was gay but didn't want to say.

Mathilde sat down in one of the garden chairs and I sat on the little brick wall next to the path. We chatted a bit. Polite conversation about nothing in particular. Then, as if bored with my company, she stopped talking and kind of ignored me. I had the strong urge to get up and leave her to herself, but I didn't. I stayed keeping silent company, aimlessly looking around the garden until mum opened the patio doors from the lounge and called my name.

"Alex... Alex! Will you go and find the two boys and come in for lunch please."

Without replying or saying anything to Mathilde, I got up and went into the house to look for Michael and Jed. The thought suddenly struck me that they had odd names, Uncle Jeff's children. Mathilde I could understand, because Suzanne, their mother, had French origins. Her grandmother I think. She was named after her or another family member, I forget exactly who. Then Jed, no explanation there I thought. Who the hell names their son Jed? I dismissed the question and went upstairs to Michael's bedroom.

I did exactly like he did this morning, opened the door and walked straight in. Maybe I should have knocked, or called out first, but I don't think it would have made a difference. They were lying on Michael's bed, side by side, the two of them. Both naked from the waste down and Jed was holding his penis. Despite being taken aback by the scene that confronted me I managed to speak very normally.

"Guys... get up. Get dressed and downstairs. Lunch is nearly ready."

Michael looked just a little embarrassed. I think he was starting to blush.

"Ah... Alex," he said.

"Never mind. Just get downstairs." I didn't want my little brother to dig himself into a hole. Getting more embarrassed trying to explain what the two of them were doing, and I didn't want to make a big thing out of it. After all, I'm two years older, I know a bit about boys and sex and exploring your body and so on. I left the room and closed the door behind me. I asked myself, no it couldn't be possible could it? My little brother couldn't be gay? No, it's not possible, you can't have two brothers both gay can you?

Lunch passed in the usual way with lots of chitter chatter and mum getting up to bring in the food from the kitchen. Dad carving the roast. All very civilised and not very interesting, but then Uncle Jeff put me on the spot.

"So, Alex my man, have you got a girlfriend?" Mathilde looked up. Perhaps she was curious to know my answer. I don't think Uncle Jeff was. It was just one of those awkward questions adults could ask without really thinking, because after all whether I did or did not have a girlfriend really didn't concern him. It did of course have to be answered.

"No, Uncle Jeff. I don't have a girl friend." I didn't add to that. Simple, to the point, he got his answer and so did Mathilde. I just left it like that. It did, however, make me feel a bit uncomfortable and think to myself that if I had the courage to tell them all I wouldn't have to deal with these sort of situations. Then I imagined myself, in another reality, replying to Uncle Jeff's question by saying, 'No Uncle Jeff, I don't have a girlfriend, I prefer boys.'

"Alex... Alex, pass the bread please," my mother was saying, which jogged me back into the here and now.

I picked up the wicker bread basket and passed it to her. She gave me a curious little smile. "Thank you, darling."

The meal continued with the cheese course and dessert. More talking and of course drinking. I was actually allowed a glass of wine which was a turn up for the books. I think it was again my Uncle Jeff saying something like, 'He's nearly a man now.' That persuaded my parents to allow it. It's funny really, but you could easily interpret Uncle Jeff's comments over lunch in several ways. Of course only someone with my big untold secret would think like this, but for a minute I did wonder if he was questioning whether or not I was a real man. You know, has a girlfriend and can take his drink. I dismissed those thoughts, because I knew that was the rocky road to paranoia which ended with you assuming people were talking about you behind your back and whispering snide comments.

Like all the other family get togethers Sunday lunch dragged on into Sunday evening. Michael and Jed were allowed to escape and went off to amuse themselves, doing what, I could only imagine. Perhaps they picked up where they left off this morning, but for me I was obliged to stay and continue being polite with the adults.

When Uncle Jeff and his half of the Weston's clan had finally packed up and left, I helped clear the table and it must have been about 10PM when I went upstairs to my bedroom. Michael followed me up and mum called out after us, "Don't stay up too late boys, it's a school day tomorrow."

As I got to the top of the stairs I was about to open my bedroom door when Michael stopped me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, sure. What is it?"

"It's kind of private."

"Well come in here." I opened my bedroom door. "Sit down." I indicated the bed.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, silent. I sat down next to him and waited for him to say something. He didn't speak, so I thought I should say something.

"Has this got something to do with you and Jed today?" I was thinking to myself what else could it be?

Finally he spoke. "Yeah, it was a bit embarrassing when you came into the bedroom," he said. Then quickly added, "But we weren't doing anything."

"Yes, OK, so what's your question?" I wanted to be nice with my little brother, but I didn't want him to be here all night, I had other things on my mind.

It took him awhile, then he spoke up, "Do you think my dick is normal? I mean the size?"

So that's what all that was about, comparing the size of their dicks. So I explained to him that he had nothing to worry about, his penis was normal. No one has the same size of dick they come in all shapes and sizes, can be straight, can be curved. Hell I was no expert, but I'd seen other boys naked and I'd watched enough porno. He was a bit more reassured I thought as I was explaining all this, but then he told me that Jed had a dick that was longer and thicker.

"You mean when it's hard?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

I'm sure that's what he was talking about, but he didn't want to come straight out with it because that would have meant that they had been lying on the bed together playing with their cocks until they were both hard.

I brushed past the reply and just told him again that his cock was perfectly normal in size and it didn't really matter at all if Jed's was bigger, it made no difference to anybody. I think he was okay, but I had no way to really know, or to know if that was all he wanted to ask or there was more. Anyway he stood up and left, saying goodnight as he closed the door. Sometimes, I thought, little brothers can be so sweet and cute, I smiled to myself.

Now that was taken care of I needed to deal with the other matter that had been bugging me since yesterday in the shopping mall, I had to find out what Jake was playing at. Lying on my bed I reached over for the phone and found his number, then pressed call. He answered straight away, I could hear music playing in the background.

"Hello Alex."

"Jake, how did you know it was me?"

"I saved your number. Remember, I said I would call you?"

"Ah, yes... that's right you did." I really wanted to get straight to the point, it had been a long day and I wanted some answers. "Who was the guy you were kissing in the mall on Saturday?" I didn't even give him time to respond. "It was your boyfriend, right?" I continued. "How the hell can you go around picking up someone when you already have a boyfriend?" I was really letting my feelings of deception and hurt out.

"Woah... hold on there Alex!" He just managed to get in.

"Hold on, hold on, why the bloody hell should I hold on?" I was building up a rage.

He must have heard the intensity in my voice. "Calm down a minute please... please Alex. Let me at least explain."

Well, yes, that was why I was calling him, I had to listen to what he had to say. "OK," I snapped. "This better be good."

"Alex... one, Jonathan, the guy you saw me with on Saturday, isn't my boyfriend. Two, I wasn't kissing him."

What, I thought to myself. "Look, I'm not stupid, I saw you both, not twenty meters away from me. How can you tell me you weren't kissing him?"

"Because. Because, it's true... Things aren't always what they seem at first glance."

"What the hell does that mean? You were kissing or not? I suppose I just imagined it, no wait, I didn't just imagine it, it happened, but it wasn't you there kissing." I was getting angry again and irritated by him trying to worm his way out when I thought he should have just straight up admitted it.

"Alex. Yes of course it was me there kissing. But what I wanted to tell you is that Jonathan kissed me. I never wanted him to. I never encouraged him. He just did it anyway... and the worse thing of all was you were there to see it." He carried on, I listened, "You have to believe me when I tell you I never wanted to hurt you Alex... I wouldn't cheat. I wouldn't lie to you about something as important as this... believe me please. Jonathan kissed me. Not the other way around. And there wasn't much I could have done to stop it."

I was thinking, I didn't know what to say. Was he telling the truth and if so who was Jonathan. What was going on between the two of them?

After a long silence Jake spoke, "Alex, Alex, you still there?"

"Yes, I'm still here."

"You do believe me, don't you?" He pleaded.

"I... I don't know. Really I don't know." I said the truth, I didn't know if I should believe him or not. One part of me desperately wanted what he was saying to be true and the other, more logical side, was telling me it's not believable, don't be fooled.

"Alex... let me see you. Please. Face to face. I promise to answer all your questions. Anything you want to ask me." He seemed sincere in what he was saying. "I like you Alex... I like you a lot."

"Look, it's late, I've got school in the morning. I've got to get some sleep." I told him.

"OK. Alright. But can I call you tomorrow? Can we meet up?"

"I don't know," I replied. Then I added, "Alright, you can call me."

"Thank you, Alex. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I ended the call.

I got undressed and into my pyjamas, pulled back the duvet and slid under the covers. As I was falling asleep I was thinking it could be true what he said. I mean that's what happened between me and Mathilde a year ago. I never wanted to kiss Mathilde but that didn't stop her kissing me!

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